久しぶりのブログです。
母となり２０８日になりました。毎日が必死だったのであっという間でした。２０８日間、息子に母親としてどうあるべきかの教えを受けました。多分これからも。気づけば写真は息子と家族ばかり。笑 ブログという第三者の視点から見て考えて書く、そんな第三者な自分がいなかったのでブログを書く余裕もありませんでした。息子が６ヶ月をすぎてから、ようやくちょっとづつ周りが見えてきた気がします。家の一室はまだCDやら本やら楽譜やらがちらかっています。。。っていうか物置にしたんだっけ。笑 そんな感じの東京生活です。帰ってきてからベルリンで知り合った人たちと東京で会う機会がありました。懐かしさを語ったり、今を語ったり。つい最近はドイツ人の友人がやってきたので、彼らと会った時はまた日本人の友人たち（先生含め）と会った時と感覚が違い、別の角度から過去を懐かしく思いました。東京は思ったよりも大きいことを再確認したり。今の自分を過去から見てみると「願えば叶うは本当なんだな」ということです。息子と一対一の毎日、毎時間、毎秒だったけれども、おむつを変える頻度が少なくなってきた事を一つとっても、子供というのはいつか親の元を離れると言う事が分かります。まだまだ先のこと、だけれども誰もが「あっという間」というのだから今私がこう思うのは多分馬鹿げた発想ではないはず。さらには男の子なので今のうちにべたべたしておこうとも思うようになりました。笑 今、周りには妊婦さん、出産を終えた友人が何故だかたくさんいます。間もなく出産、とか妊娠しました！と聞くと、自分の経験がまたよみがえってきます。陣痛に丸一日半耐えて病院へ連れて行ってもらいさらに半日陣痛に耐えて、入る事のできた分娩室。笑 ドイツでの出産は「記念」ということと、ドイツでは「無痛分娩」というのが保険でまかなわれるというのを友人夫婦に聞いたので選びました。でも、呼吸が良く出来ているということで（楽器を吹く友人に歌をやっているひとはお産が楽と聞き、歌の時と同じ呼吸で、を心がけました）入れてもらえなかった麻酔。助産婦さんを信頼しきっていたので、ではがんばろうと。分娩室では４５分で出産終了。でも私は途中で「もうだめだ」とあきらめるところでした。笑 いたいし、もうだめでしょ！？と思ってしまった。ドイツ語で「息をすって！はいて！とめて！だめ、はいたら！」とか言われて痛みと戦っていたら、自分が何をしているのか、どこにいるのかが本当に分からなくなってしまいました。それを見た助産婦さんが私の手をとって出てきている息子の頭をさわらせてくれた。その瞬間、あー彼もがんばっているんだった！とまたがんばる気になれた。笑 そこからは結構あっという間だったとは側にいてくれた夫。私は「でてきたよ」と言われるまでは何が何だか分からないところにいました。でてきた息子はけむくじゃらで、左肩に蒙古斑があるのがすぐに見えました。そこからあれこれいろいろ手続きやらがあり、一時間くらい分娩室で３人でゆっくりできました。出産直後はその前の痛みとか苦しみがうそのように恍惚とした、別の世界に自分はいました。笑 そんなできごとをまだつい最近のできごとのように覚えています。ミュンヘンでは妊娠中、産後によいと言われている「リンパドレナージュ」へ通いました。１人はFrau Jana Hirche。彼女は基本的には美容マッサージを施してくれる人です。通っていた婦人科でたまたま彼女のパンフレットを入手したのが始まり。帰ってきて、上のリンクのキベ先生のところへ。その後は凝り固まった背中をほぐしてもらうために、以前お世話になった爽快堂の先生のところへ。この先生とのお話はとても楽しいです。ヨガをやっても溜まってしまった疲れは自分ではなかなかとれず、プロの先生方に頼らせていただきました。お陰で、体調はよいです！ありがとうございます！
婦人科の検診の前日におしるしがあり、婦人科の検診当日に「これから病院へいきなさい」と言われた月曜日。この日は残念ながら「予行演習」だった。まだまだ余裕な私。
３日目
君の産まれた病院、こんなに晴れていたよ。
初めての車。私の座席にはクッションが。ありがとう、夫。
そして今。大きくなったねぇ。。。。。。。。
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